How to win arguments without even trying

Photo by Mike Benna

I had a somewhat controversial post on Threads go viral earlier this week, and that means the trolls and bots came out, and that means RIP my notifications. So as a reminder to myself, here are two poems I wrote about how to win arguments, on the internet and beyond.

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to those worn out by arguments

i will tell you a secret way
to win an argument—

let the other person
have the last word

while you make some tea
water the plants, pet the cat
laugh with your child

become real, become flesh
the way no parting shot
could ever be

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pick your battles

less battles
less

how many have you got there?
put a few back
a few more

did you know that in the sunshine
on your street, in the park, by the lake
no one is arguing?

on the car radio the singer
just wants to hold your hand

you, too
can be free

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P.S. To Mark and Bob, who always helpfully correct my spelling and grammar, I know it should be fewer battles, but less battles just sounds better to me, and evokes the cumulative weight of them, in my opinion. And I am a poet, so I can use whichever words I wænt, and spell them however I wænt. So there. :)

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